Manliness

So I know many of my fellow feminists will be annoyed or worse by this, but my new favorite site is The Art of Manliness. There’s certainly some sexism and some feminist-bashing there, which I find unacceptable. But it’s also a really useful collection of dozens and dozens of skills I want to cultivate, and their model of masculinity is one that appeals to me. “Manliness,” for them, is fundamentally about responsibility and respectfulness — that’s what masculinity is about for me, too. They note that one should never impose chivalry on women who don’t like it, and think cooking and being a stay-at-home dad are manly. They advocate gentlemanliness and awesome old fashioned gentlemanly things like classic cocktails, using a Moleskine as your PDA, learning to sharpen your pocketknife, carrying an umbrella, tying ties, knowing Morse Code, giving handshakes, and folding a pocket square. And winning at arm-wrestling. And so many more things.

As a queer woman, I am, of course, explicitly excluded by almost every sentence. This makes me sad, but, really, it’s better than being included in things that are antithetical to my sense of self (which happens every time someone makes a comment about me being “a girl,” which happens almost every day). And even though it excludes me, I’ve honestly never identified more with a gender ideal. It’s by no means perfect, but it is worlds closer than anything else I’ve ever encountered.

Until someone decides to make The Art of Butchness (please, someone, do this!), Manliness will have to do.

Tags: gender identity, masculinity, queer